Meet Me in the Stacks...

Appropriately delirious from staying up all night to catch my 6:20am flight home, I would have napped all afternoon if my sister hadn't sent me a text message saying "Ugh! Why do guys hit on you at the library? I came here to get away from people." Apparently she had settled in on the 5th floor (an area she assumed to be harmlessly remote) when some dude came and sat right next to her and tried to strike up a conversation. Apparently he had seen "The Prince and Me," a horrible Julia Styles movie with a grammatically awkward title (why couldn't they have gone the way of "The King and I"?) that I have mostly blocked out of my head besides the scene where Julia and the Prince try to get it on in a library. What I took to be hot as an 18-year-old no longer seems like such a sexy idea. Seriously? In a library? Remember that "Friends" episode where Ross got angry about people having sex in his dissertation's aisle? You know this guy talking to my sister was thinking, "hot AND smart! Score!" Believe it or not, Casanova, the library is not an ideal place to meet women.

She just wants to get back to analysing the significance of iambic pentameter in Macbeth

Don't tell me you haven't imagined it: You sit down five feet from a beautiful girl in sweats with stacks of books and various snacks arranged on her desk - oh yes, this one will be here all day. You calmly but noisily begin unpacking your materials, hoping to catch her eye with your white Macbook. She looks up and frowns. That's the signal to start workin' it. Ask her something like, "come here often?" or "Do you think Emily Dickinson was gay or just agoraphobic?" Lean back in your uncomfortable and threadbare chair to show her that you put the stud in studying. After a bit, find the biggest book in the library and appear deep in thought at how its non-linear plot structure supports its use of dramatic irony. At this point, she will look up and say something like, "I just hate Chaucer. I can't understand the Prioress's Tale at all." Come over and sit next to her. As you go to turn a page, your hands inadvertently touch...

Just stay away from my sister!

Sad, but True...

I'm as corny as Kansas in August...