In the tradition of the inexplicably successful blog Stuff White People Like (soon to be a book, if you can believe it. Chronicle was outbid on this project), I have crafted my own entry to make sense of my fellow denizens of The City By the Bay.
1. Pet Causes. If there's one thing that gets a San Franciscan in a tizzy it's an injustice that doesn't affect their life, the further away the better. In fact, the further the problem, the angrier it makes them. Harvesting soy crops in Micronesia is destroying the endangered gruva moth: make a sign! Kids in Kazjekhistan aren't being immunized against mumps: post agro messages on an online forum! 
Oh, and they also want their pot vending machines in more convenient locations.
Oh, and they also want their pot vending machines in more convenient locations.2. Scarves. I've never seen so many scarves as I have in the last six months. Part neck-warmer, part statement that says "I'm cooler than you." It's important to wear rayon-blend scarves, not knitted. The ubiquitous keffiyeh, considered a symbol of Palestinian nationalism, is another must for any self-respecting hipster.
It's important to make this face at anyone not wearing a scarf. 3. The Giants. Apparently some sort of sports team.
4. Hating Gavin Newsom. Who wouldn't hate him? He's young, hot, successful, engaged, rich... What a dickweed.
My mayor is hotter than your mayor. P.S., that's not his fiancee.
5. Hedonism. I've never felt like such a prude as in this city. How could I have never been to a sex club (yes, that is exactly what it sounds like - go to a building and have group orgies. There are separate rooms depending on your fetish: S&M? Guys only? Girls only? Furries?) done drugs, or had a one-night stand? Geez, what are you living for?
You party animal
